3 AM Thoughts

It’s three in the morning, and here I sit outside a Starbucks, across the LINQ hotel, drinking a tall cup of coffee, taking in the sounds which surround me, about to light a smoke for old times sake. My sleeping schedule is all jacked up–thanks to my job. Yes, I have a job now, and thus a little more sense of purpose in these trying times.

Things are slowly getting better, this is all part of the process: slow progress is better than no progress.

At the moment I am surrounded by many lost souls–sort of like myself. They trot along, sleep walking, searching for some sort of calm and temporary escape from the trails of life. I can see it in their eyes.

I was thinking of something right now, something I often hear people say, something that has always rustled my trousers a bit, and that something is when people say, “don’t think too much,” as if thinking were something evil or bad, something to fear. I don’t really know what they mean, but I get a sense that they think that thinking itself is what to be feared.

I understand in a sense where they may be coming from. It may just be that they are too afraid of their own thoughts and where those thoughts may lead them. I admit, thoughts can be scary things, and when we begin to think too much about our regrets and shortcoming, so to say, we get a big slap on the face. We may begin to doubt ourselves, our believes. We all have regrets I think, whether we like to admit it or not, but the thing is to try to not get stuck on them. To try to accept them and move on while at the same time attempting to forgive ourselves. Let them pass, and move on, because after all, in the big scheme of things, they don’t matter much at all. We can always make amends.

Or it may be that the feeling of hopelessness, which we are all capable of feeling, which lurks deep within everyone of us, asleep, until awoken, that feeling may be too much to bear, and for lack of knowing how to accept the feeling, knowing how to cope and get past it, since after all the feeling is all part to the human experience, we choose to drown out the feeling by distracting ourselves with things we deem meaningful. So, we may decide not to think too much for fear of becoming hopeless or something.

Who really knows what is meant by that saying? I don’t know, since I would presume that it means something different to everyone. But I think that thinking too much is not necessarily a bad thing. It may become a bad thing when it leads us to bad choices, but even then there is an opportunity for growth, if we choose to reflect of our past thinking patterns and where they lead us.

It makes sense, to me at least, to accept that we are only as good as our thoughts, though it is very hard, near impossible, to always have good thoughts since we live in a world filled with suffering and pain. And also, we don’t have control over our dreams. Therefore we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves since a lot is beyond our control. We just have to try to be more conscious and understanding of ourselves and others. Show more compassion towards ourselves and our fellow human beings.

Actions are equally important. But we shouldn’t be too harsh on ourselves if we have acted according to means other than our values, since we are often put in very complex situations and often foresight is lacking.

Nothing is set in stone in this world, and if we acted one way we can always act the opposite way if we learn that the outcomes of our first action(s) were not the desired result. There is always a way to turn things around, if we have the necessary resolve.

 

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